Hey Mike....Do you like apples??? No seriously, do you like apples?? Wait....never mind that for now. Actually, me and Chuckie down here in Southie just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. But I also wanted you to know something else very important, and that is.....Gordon Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth. Surprising, huh?? Yeah....I got that from Vicker's "Work in Essex County", page 98. You may have read it. I mean....you seem like a really smart guy Mike,....but I know your type. You're a first year grad student and you just got finished reading some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison probably. And you're gonna be convinced of that til next month when you get to James Lemon. Then you're going to be talking about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That's gonna last until next year, you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talking about, you know, the pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization. But I'm totally serious.....don't believe it. Cause like I said....Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth. If you don't believe me, you can ask my 12 brothers. You know their names.....Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian. Wanta hear that again?? Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian. I swear to God, I'm lucky 13 here. But that's not important. What's important is that you're having a birthday. So, maybe we can get together and just eat a bunch of caramels. When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee. Or hey, we could always go to a baseball game!! Though I heard about what you did. Yeah...you missed Pudge Fisk's home run. To have a drink with some lady you never met? I don't care if Helen of Troy walks in the room, that's Game 6!! And who are these friends of yours?? I don't know....I just know its your birthday soon. But realize this.....the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years you're gonna start doing some thinking of your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One....don't do that. And Two....oh wait. I don't have time to tell you about Number Two. Cause I gotta go see about a girl. Yeah...I met a girl. In fact, I got her number. So.....how you like them apples?? Well gotta go for now Mike. But I enjoyed our conversation. It was almost like a Taster's Choice moment between guys. Take care and always remember......it's not your fault. No seriously, it's not your fault. Mike, listen to me...it's not your fault. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT !! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT !! OK....maybe it is, just a little. See ya....Will Hunting

Happy birthday buddy!